South Park Disney Musical
by Cartmanbrah
Summary: South Park parodies of your favorite Disney songs!
1. Not in love with that hoe

South Park Disney

Not in love with that hoe (won't say I'm in love)

 **Author's note:** Don't worry, I'm still working on "Authoritah and how to respect it". But just for fun, I thought I'd write these Disney songs scripts adapted to South Park. The first one is a Candy (just couldn't help myself. There might be some more candy on the way) and it's "Won't say I'm in love" from Hercules turned into "Not in love with that hoe"

(scene: Cartman's house, Cartman, Kenny, Stan, Kyle and Butters are playing videogames)

Stan (to Cartman) – Dude, what the hell was all that between you and Wendy today?

Cartman – Nothing. Just the usual: your ex being a bitch

Kyle – Dude, that's like the fifth time this month you two go to PC Principal's office because of that shit

Kenny (muffled by the parka) – Yeah dude, it's getting ridiculous

Butters – It's like you have a crush on her or something

(All but Cartman laugh)

Cartman – Butters, stop being a fag. That's freaking retarded. Me? A crush on that hoe?

Stan – I don't know man, it kinda adds up

(Bebe's house, Wendy, Bebe, Red, Nichole and Heidi are sitting on her bedroom talking)

Bebe – So, Wendy, what's up between you and Cartman?

Wendy – What?

Heidi – Yeah, there's something between you two

Red, Nichole – Yeah

Nichole – You guys fight so much it's like you're crying for each other's attention

Wendy – Me? Attention from that Fatass? Get your head out of your ass

(Queue the music start, cuts to Cartman)

Cartman – You guys must be freaking high. No way I'm in love with that hoe

(Starts the singing)

Cartman – If there's a prize for rotten judgement… I guess I've already won that

Wendy – No man is worth the aggravation

(Both their friends creep up behind them)

Cartman and Wendy (side by side shot) – that's ancient history, been there, done that

All friends – Who you think you're kidding? He/she's the earth and heaven to you, try to keep it hidden honey/buddy we can see right through you

Cartman/Wendy – Fuck you! (Vocalizing)  
Friends – Girl/Dude, you can't conceal it, we know how you're feeling, who you're thinking of!

Cartman – No chance, no way, not in love with that hoe

Cartman's friends – you scream, you fight, don't deny it my bro

Cartman – It's too cliché, not in love with that hoe

Wendy's friends – ooh ooh ooh

Wendy – I thought my heart had learned its lesson, it feels so good when you start out.

Cartman – My head is saying, get a grip dude

Both – unless you're dying to drink yourself out (Cartman takes a shot of whisky)

Wendy(vocalizing) (gives her friends the finger) – Screeew you

All friend's – You keep on denying, who you are and how you're feeling, baby/buddy we're not buying, coz we saw you hit the ceiling  
Face it like a grown-up  
When you gonna own up that you got, got, got it bad?

Wendy – No chance, no way, screw you guys, going home

Wendy's friends – It's his catchphrase,

Bebe - now tell me it's not love

Wendy – This scene won't play; I'll never be his hoooooooooooooe!(Cartman vocalizes Hooooooe too)

All friends – You're doing flips, read our lips, your in love!

Wendy – you're way off base, I won't say it

Wendy's friends – She won't say it

Cartman – Get off my case, I won't say it

Cartman's friends – Dude, don't be proud, it's okay, you're in love

Both – OOOOOOOooooookay, just to you guys

(both at the same time)

Cartman – I'm in love with that

Wendy – I want to be his

Both – Hoe

(finish song)

(side by side shot, Cartman and Wendy look at their friends)

Cartman and Wendy – If you tell anyone about this, you are fucking dead

(Cartman takes another shot of whisky, fadeout)


	2. Poor Unfortunate Jews

**Author's Note:** I'm really glad this got such a nice feedback. The parodies will continue as my ideas permit. As for the person that sugested "Try Everything" from Zootopia, sorry, but these work better when there kind of a dialogue going. You'll see what i mean when i upload more. I'm accepting sugestions too.

Coming up:

-Make a PC Bro out of you(Make a man out of you

-Can you feel ze Schaddenfreude?(Can you feel the love tonight)

(Scene: Cartman's basement. Kyle walks in looking scared)

Kyle – Cartman?

Cartman (creeping from a shadow) – Hello, jew.

Kyle(jumps) – Don't fucking scare me, fatass!

Cartman – It's always fun, jew. What do you want?

Kyle – I need some help. Remember that prank we pulled on Craig last month?

Cartman – The thing with the cow shit? Sure.

Kyle – Mr. Mackey and PC Principal are onto us and I don't want that on my record. Can you help me?

Cartman – Why would you need my help?

Kyle – Because no one is as good as you when it comes to blackmail and manipulation and that's just what I need. Now will you help me or not?

(queue the music. Kenny and Butters appear)

Cartman – My dear, sweet child… That's what I do! It's what I live for! To help poor unfortunate Jews with no one else to turn to… Like yourself!

Cartman(singing) – I'll admit that in the past I've been a nasty. They weren't kidding when they called me kinda strange.

But you'll find that nowadays, I've mended all my ways, repented, seen the light and made a change!

Kenny (sarcastically speaking) – Yeah, right

Cartman(speaking) – Shut up, sour milk! (clears throat)

Cartman(singing) – Just so happens that I know a little secret. It's a talent that I always have possessed!

And of lately, please don't laugh, I use it on behalf of the miserable, the jews and the depressed…

Cartman(speaking) – But no hippies or gingers

Cartman(singing) – Poor unfortunate jews… in pain… in need…

This one want's a pretty girlfriend (shows picture of nerd) this one wants some better grades (shows picture of cheerleader bimbo) and do I help them? Yes, indeed (shows picture of the two making out)

Cartman – Those poor unfortunate jews… so sad… so true…

They come flocking at my doorstep crying HELP ME, CARTMAN, PLEASE! And I help them? Yes I do.

Cartman – Now, it happened once or twice… someone couldn't pay the price… and I'm afraid I've been the bearer of bad news… (shows picture of nerd and cheerleader crapping themselves in front of a classroom)

Cartman – Oh, I've had the old complaint, but on the whole I've been a saint (wraps towel around his head and fakes a prayer pose) to those poor unfortunate jews….

(music lowers)

Cartman (speaking) – Now, I can make the evidence disappear. If that's not possibly… Kenny, do you have those files on PC Principal?

Kenny – Those pictures of him raping a goat?

Cartman – Yeah, those. And Mackey is gonna be easy too.

Butters (repeats frantically like a paranoid) – I'm gonna get grounded, I'm gonna get grounded, I'm gonna get grounded…

Cartman – Stop being a pussy, Butters

Kyle – Okay, that should do it

Cartman – Oh… But there's the payment issue

Kyle – Well, I'm out of money fatass

Cartman – It's not money. As you said, I'm the best at blackmail around. I'll need blackmail on a very specific person for my next scheme. You're gonna find me some blackmail piece on… Ike…

Kyle – My little brother?!

Cartman – Yes, the little Canadian rat. I'm gonna need the whole deal: weird porn, secrets… anything

Kyle – But I can't do that to my little brother

Cartman – But of course you can!

(music rises back up)

Cartman(singing) (Drapes arm around Kyle's shoulder, car salesman style) – A brotherhood is highly overrated! A brother that's too nice is such a bore!

In my opinion is preferred to keep the fight between the turds

And after all, what is a brother really for? NO!

Nobody is that impressed with good relations! True families avoid it when they can…

On your feet you must be quick and to your brother be a dick

It's time to make a choice and be a man!

(throws Kyle away)

Cartman - COME ON! You poor unfortunate jew! Go ahead! Spill the dough!

I'm a very busy person and I haven't got all day, I want secrets… from your bro

You poor unfortunate jew! It's sad, but true. If you want to cross a bridge, dickhead you've got to pay me too

Take a gulp and take a breath, sign the document in view!

(Talks secretively to Butters and Kenny) – Kenny, Butters, now I've got him, boys

The boss is onto you! (holds out his hand to for Kyle to shake it)

This poor unfortunate jeeeeeeeeeeew (Kyle shakes it as the room spins in a "you just made a deal with the devil" kind of way.)


	3. Make a Bro out of you

**Author's note:** This one was a lot easier to make. Really, i had just finished a few stuff i had to do for college and this came out naturaly. Enjoy :)

(Original: Make a man out of you – Mulan)

(scene: PC Principal is standing in front of a lot of teenage boys. Amongst them are Cartman, Kenny, Butters, Stan, Kyle, Craig, Tweek, Jimmy, Timmy… you get the gist. It's a frat house)

PC Principal – Alright, listen up, my name is PC Principal. I don't know about you, but frankly, I'm sick and tired of how minorities are marginalized in today's society

Cartman (tries to sound quiet) – Oh boy, here we go

PC Principal – Damn it, Eric, shut your fucking pie hole!

(Awkward silence)

Pc Principal – Anyway, the reason I brought you all here is because each and every one of you will be PC Bros. I see your backwards thinking towards minorities… (Starts rambling)

Jimmy – B… b… boy, this is r… really f… f… fucking annoying

Craig – If I could just tell him to fuck off, I'd be so happy

Timmy – TIMMEH!

PC Principal – Shut your fucking pie holes!

(Awkward silence Part II) (PC Principal sighs and walks around)

Pc Principal – I'm gonna have a lot of trouble with you boys

(Queue the music) (PC Bros appear playing the military style drums)

PC Principal(singing) – Let's get down to business!

You will be

PC

(Opens a door , shows a gym)

PC Principal – From this moment forward

You will answer

To me!

(walks in front of them)

PC Principal – You're the saddest bunch I've ever met! But you can bet before we're through (grabs Cartman by the collar of his shirt) Mister, I'll make a Bro out of you!

(cuts to them working out at the gym)

PC Principal – When it comes to gender, you use neeuutral words.

And if you don't use them, I'll flush you like a turd

(cuts to them playing beer pong and Jimmy missing the shot)

PC Principal – You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot... And you haven't got a clue (looks at the window in contemplation) somehow I'll make a Bro outta yoooooou!

Kyle (on a punching bag) – I'm never gonna catch my breath

Stan (Doing crunches beside him) – I'm just a bit afraid he'll sue me

Craig (on a running machine) – What does being PC has anything to do with gym?

Tweek (With a beer party cup on his hand) – This is way too much pressure!

Wendy (disguised as Wendyll and doing a shot beside Cartman) – Hope he doesn't he see right through me

Cartman (looking at them about to throw Timmy in a pool with a bunch of chicks) – Why the fuck they think that Timmy knows how to swim?

Bros – Be a bro

PC Principal – We must drink beer like a fucking river

Bros – Be a bro

PC Principal – With all the gym to make a better you

Bros – Be a bro

PC Principal – With all the rage of a feminist fire, beware all the people that we're gonna suuuuuuue (looks at the moon)

PC Principal – Time is racing towards us!

Till some chicks

Arrive (shows flyer of a party)

Heed my every order

And you might

Survive!

(Touches Kyle's shoulder)

PC Principal - But you're unsuited for the wave of whores, so pack up, go home, you're through…

How can I… make a bro… outta yoooooou

Bros – Be a bro

Kyle – We must drink beer like a fucking river (show's Kyle buying sunglasses)

Bros – Be a bro

Kyle – With all the gym to make a better you (shows Kyle nagging a man with a "Vote Ted Cruz" shirt. He is all broed up)

Bros – Be a bro

Kyle – With all the rage of a feminist fire, beware all the people that we're gonna suuuuuuue (shows Kyle walking into the frat party with sunglasses, a "respect the trans" shirt and a hot blonde girl on his arm with the consent form signed. PC Principal looks at him with pride)

Bros – Be a bro (shows everyone nailing the gym work out)

The boys – We must drink beer like a fucking river

Bros – Be a bro (shows the guys having a beer at the frat party)

The boys – With all the gym to make a better you

Bros – Be a bro (shows them throwing some stuff at a republican sign)

The boys – With all the rage of a feminist fire, beware all the people that we're gonna suuuuuuue (montage of them all drinking beer, nagging people and working out)

(ends the music)

Cartman – this is really fucking stupid. Screw you guys, I'm going home (throw the sunglasses away)

Wendy (removes her Wendyll disguise) – Me too. Coming, sweetie

Cartman – I told you not to call me that, hoe (they start randomly arguing as the screen fades)


	4. Psychos Like Me

Original: Strangers like me

 **Author's note:** I told you there was more Candy on the way. I just can't help myself, I love the interaction between those two crazies. And yes, I know it's next to blasphemy using a Phil Colins song. I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this! I thought for sure this was not gonna be a hit. There is more on the way, as my brainstorming permits

(Scene: Cartman and Wendy are in Cartman's room talking)

Wendy (finishes telling a story) - … and that's how I sent a teacher to the sun… (feels slightly ashamed)

Cartman (gasps at her with amazement) – Wow… it was you?

Wendy – Well… yeah! I mean… I don't know, sometimes I feel… this weird feeling in me…

Cartman – a hot, burning desire to make people you hate suffer?

Wendy (Turns away, ashamed) – Yes…

(Cartman pulls her face in his direction and kisses her)

Cartman – I never thought I'd find someone who'd understand…

Wendy (excited and happy) – You feel it too?

(Cartman nods)

Wendy (evil smirk) – I wanna know all about it… I'm tired of hiding my true self

(Queue the music)

Wendy(singing) – Whatever you do, I'll do it too

Tell me everything and show me how

It all means something about my deep, dark psychosis

(show's them both beating up a kid)

Wendy – I can see there's so much to learn… It's all so close and yet so far… (show's them pointing guns at Kyle and then looking lovingly at each other) I wanna see myself the way you see me! I just know there's something bigger out there!

I wanna know! Can you show me? I wanna know about the psychos like me!

Tell me more! Please show me! It makes me so happy you're a psycho like me!

(show's them getting cash from some Mexican drug dealers)

Cartman – Every gesture… Every move that she makes,

Makes me feel like never before

Coz we both feel… this growing need to be evil…

(shows them waterboarding a random girl)

Both – There are some emotions I never new

Some hidden joy we get by being bad (shows them pushing a car off a cliff)

Beyond the judgement, above all people. I see before me a new horizon!

Wendy - I wanna know! Can you show me? I wanna know about the psychos like me!

Tell me more! Please show me! It makes me so happy you're a psycho like me!

(show them hugging lovingly in a dream sequence where they are both in a big stage as world dictators and there are soldiers all around)

Cartman – Come with me now to see my world

Where there's violence beyond your dreams! Can you feel the thing I feel…? Right now… with you? (pans out, there is a big banner with a picture of Cartman and Wendy and the word "OBEY!" written)

Wendy – Take my hand… There's a world I need to knooooooooow

(shows them both setting a store on fire)

Both - I wanna know! Can you show me? I wanna know about the psychos like me!

Tell me more! Please show me! It makes me so happy you're a psycho like me!

Wendy – I wanna know….

(ends the music)

(They are gazing lovingly at each other's eyes)

Cartman – Wendy?

Wendy – Yes, Eric?

Cartman – Is it weird that I'm turned on right now?

Wendy (sexy smirk) – Not at all. I am too

(They start making out as the screen fades)


	5. Jewfire

Original: Hellfire – Hunchback of Notre-Dame

 **Coming up next:**

Never met a dad like me (Friend like me) – Randy Marsh

Lover from the other side (Friends on the other side) – Jerome "Chef" McElroy

Stan (Belle) – Stan Marsh

(Scene: Cartman is in his room looking at the Mel Gibson picture in contemplation)

(Flashback: At the flag debate)

Wendy – Oh God… could you all excuse me for a second? (Walks up to Cartman and kisses him) There, now… (end flashback, back to the room)

Cartman – Get out of my head!(punches the wall)

(queue the music)

(Ghost visions of monks with a swastika on the robes appear behind him)

Monks – Confiteor Hitler, omnipotenti

Beato Mel Gibson, semper awsomis…

Beato Donald Trump Achangelo!

Nazis racistolis, omnibus naaaazis…

Cartman (Looks at the window) – Beato Mel Gibson, you know I am a righteous man, all my prayers, efforts, go to you

Beato Mel Gibson, you know I'm so much purer than, the common, vulgar, weak and stupid Jews…

(looks at the mirror) Then tell me, Mel Gibson, why I see her standing there? Why her smoldering lips still scorch my soul?

(The image in the mirror morphs into Wendy blowing a kiss to him) I see her, I feel her! The sun caught in her raven hair, it's blazing in me out of all control!

Cartman (Turns away from the mirror with a painful look) – Like fire! Jewfire! This fire in my skin!

(Pulls Wendy's pink hat from his coat and hugs it to himself) – This burning desire is turning me toooo sin!

(The room fades. He is in a dark room with Nazi officers looking from the windows outside)

Cartman – It's not my fault!

Nazis – Mea culpa!

Cartman – I'm not to blame!

Nazis – Mea culpa!

Cartman – It is the hippie hoe, the bitch who sent this flame!

Nazis – Mea maxima culpa!

Cartman (screaming nervously) – It's not my fault!

Nazis – Mea culpa!

Cartman – If someone's plan

Nazis – Mea culpa!

Cartman (falls to his knees) – Made our denial so much stronger than a maaaaaaan

(Flames start to rise as Cartman burns, but he keeps singing. The scene fades back to his room, he is on his knees, singing to the skies)

Cartman – Protect me, Mel Gibson, don't let this harlot rise my shame, don't let her love destroy my self controooool

(Points the pink hat to the mirror where Wendy's image can still be seen) Destroy Testaburger! And let her taste the Nazi flames,

Or else let her be mine, my only hooooooooe

(There is a knock on the door, Butters enters the room) (the music lowers)

Butters(Speaking) – Uh, Eric… I was just passing by Stan's house…

Cartman(Speaking) – And that's my problem because…

Butters – Wendy and Stan… were having a big fight and… they broke up!

Cartman – What?

Butters – Stan said she liked one of his friends… the one everyone hates

Cartman – BUT WHO?! Never mind… GET OUT, YOU FAGGOT! I'll have her… I'll have her and she will respect my authoritah!

(Music rises back up) (Back to singing)

Cartman – Hellfire! Jewfire! Now, hippie, it's your turn…

(Grabs a lighter) Choose me or

This pyre! Be mine or jews will buuuuuurn (Burns the pink hat)

(Kneels down)

Hitler, mercy on her… Hitler, mercy on me… But she will be mine or jeeeeews wiiiiill buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurn(Pan's out, shadows of Nazi officers take the place)


	6. Never met a dad like me

Original: Never had a friend like me

 **Author's note:** I'd like to talk about something before this parody. The genie was played by Robin Williams, after all. Robin Williams was great, wasn't he? Just seeing him brought a smile to anyone's face. Sadly, depression took that man from the world. How often did making someone else laugh was at the expense of his own misery? Depression is a serious problem, guys. Tons of people out there have it. Your families, friends, coworkers, teachers… To many of those people, getting up in the morning means pain. They lose the will to live more and more each day. Be there for them. Don't downplay their problems. Don't let depression take these great people from our lives. Here's to Robin Williams. If that makes any difference, he still makes me smile

(Scene: Bar with busty girls as waitresses. Randy is there with Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and Butters)

Randy – Miss? It will be 6 Millers for me and the boys

Stan – Uh… Dad? We have school tomorrow. And you have work. Do you really think we should drink?

Kyle – Yeah! Plus, we're all minors. Won't we get in trouble?

Randy – Relax, Stanley! I'm friends with the owner of the bar. Of course he's gonna let me and you kids have a few drinks. No biggie

Cartman – Yeah! And besides, who is gonna give us trouble? Fucking Barbrady?

Randy – Yeah, that guy is super stupid (looks at Kenny who is catatonic) what the hell is wrong with Kenny?

Stan – Too much big boobs in one place

Kenny (muffled by parka) – I'm in heaven

Butters – B… but mister Marsh! If I get wasted and miss school tomorrow, I'm gonna get grounded…

Stan – Yeah, plus mom is gonna get supper pissed (the boys start rambling)

Randy – BOYS! (queue the music) I don't think you quite realize what you got here! So why don't you just inebriate, while I illuminate the possibilities?

(Randy gets up and there is a jazz band ready to play)

Randy(singing) – Well, Ali Baba had them forty beers, Scheherazade did a thousand shots

(Puts a bottle of Jack Daniels on the tables) but kiddos, you're in luck, coz up your sleeves, I'm gonna get you whisky on the rocks!

You've got some power in your corner now, some heavy ammunition, make it quick!

You got some punch, Pizzazz! Yahoo and how. See all you gotta do is call that chick, and she'll say

Hot waitress – Well, mister Stanley, sir, what will your pleasure be? Let me take your order, jot it down

Randy – You ain't never met a dad like me.

(Sits with the boys and pour the whisky in glasses for them as he sings)

Randy – Life is an open bar, come have a drink with me! Just tell me what is your disease, you ain't never met a dad like me!

(points at the busty waitresses)

Randy – Yes boys, this bar takes prides on service

Let's come here every week!

Say what you wish, it's yours, true dish

Some more beer will help you get your kiiiiiick

(Goes to the counter and stands between two bottles)

Have some of whisky "A"

Try all of Vodka "B"

(hugs the boys, they are smiling)

I'm in the mood to help you dudes, you ain't never met a dad like me

(Start's dancing beside the drunken guys)

Drunk guys – wahaha

Randy – boom ba

Drunk guys – wahaha

Randy – No! No!

Drunk guys – wahaha

Randy – Oh my!

(Goes up on stage and gets a little cloth. From now on it's cock magic tricks)

Randy – Can your dads do this? (juggles with multiple copies of his penis)

Can your dads do that? (Makes his penis appear on one hand, disappear and appear on the other)

Can your dads pull a dick… Off their little haaaats(Self-explanatory)?

Can your dads go: Abracadabra, LET IT RIP (cuts the penis in half)

Then make the little fucker reappear?

(Sits on the table with the boys)

Randy - So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed  
I'm here to answer all your midnight prayers (joins his hands)

You got me bona fide and certified  
You got a father for your charge d'affaires (Pours beer into six cups)

I got a powerful urge to help you out  
So whatcha wish? I really wanna know

You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt  
Well, all you gotta do is call those girls - and oh (the waitresses surround the table)

Waitresses - Well, mister Stanley, sir  
Have a shot or two or three  
Randy - I'm on the job, you big nabobs  
You ain't never met a dad, never met a dad (Puts beer on the table)  
You ain't never met a dad, never met a dad (Puts whisky on the table)

You ain't never  
Met a  
Dad like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(Power slide)

(Montage of a lot of crazy stuff happening. The boys drinking a lot, Cartman falling over drunk, Butters making out with one of the hot waitresses, Kenny dying, Kyle puking in the street, Stan and Randy talking to a wall)

You ain't never met a dad like me, hah!

(Ends the music. Cuts to the next morning. Stan and Randy are sitting on the kitchen table looking really messed up. Stan is not wearing pants)

Sharon (Looking pissed. Speaks after a long angry pause) – You boys got home late last night

Randy (Face down, trying to hold the puke in) – Sharon, I was spending some quality time with my son and his friends

Stan (Same situation as his father) – Yes mom, I was bonding with my father

Sharon (After angry pause) – and did you drink during this quality time?

Stan – There were refreshments, yes

Randy – Sharon, our son is urgh (nearly throws up) … Our son is growing up and we need bonding time so he has found memories of us when he is older

Sharon – Or someone to blame for a liver failure (Gets out of the kitchen)

(Stan throws up on the sink, Randy runs to the bathroom)


	7. Lover from the other side

Original: Friends on the other side

 **Author's note:** These updates are gonna be a bit rarer from now on. I've got a lot of stuff to do and frankly, Dad Like Me was fucking hard to pull off. Today, we bring a friend back from the dead. Good to see you again, Chef

(Scene. Butter's room. He and Sally are about to do it but Butters is really shy)

Butters (Stuttering worse the Jimmy) – Gee, Sally, uh… You got some nice, uh… Some nice…

Sally (Touches his cheek) – What's wrong, baby?

Butters – I've never done this before. I don't want to disappoint you…

Sally – It's okay, honey. You won't disappoint me

Butter's – But what if I'm too small? What if I don't know how to put it? If my parents find out I didn't satisfy my girlfriend, I will get grounded… I wish I could talk to Chef about it

(Big, green smoke surrounds the place. Ghost Chef appears)

Chef – Hello, there, children

Sally and Butters(Scream) – aaaaah!

Chef – woooh, easy, there, children. I saw your problem and I came to help you out

Butters – B… but Chef! You're dead!

(Queue the music)

Chef – Don't you doubt me, little man! Don't you derogate or deride!

You'll do it my way now, not your way… Coz I'm a lover from the other side

Creepy voices – He's a lover from the other side

Butters(Speaking) – What the hell was that?

Chef – You'll get your ghost creepy voices too when you die

Chef(singing) - Sit down at my table  
Put your minds at ease  
If you relax I will enable you to do anything you please  
I can read your desire  
I can change it 'round some, too  
I'll look deep into your vag and dick  
Chef(speaking) – You do have a dick, don't you Butters?  
Chef(singing) - Make your wildest dreams come true!

I've got toys (dildos float from one of his hands) for girls and boys (whips float from the other)

I've got things I haven't even tried! (Random bdsm stuff float over his head)

Coz I'm a lover from the other side

Creepy voices – He's a lover from the other side!

Chef (Starts doing cardistry, but with condoms) – The condoms, the condoms, the condoms will tell…

The past, the present and the future as well

The condoms, the condoms, just take three

Take a little trip into your lust with me!

(Both Sally and Butters pick three condoms each) (The images show inside the condoms, like a hologram)

Chef – Now you, young girl, are a little whore-to-be. And comes from two long lines of sluttity… (Shows a family tree with lots of strippers in it)

You like it haaaaard, but the boys are nice (shows a picture of her bored in bed)

You need to find a little buddy who can put up some spice

Chef (speaking) – Those boys gone soft, huh?

Sally (sighs) – It's like they're afraid to break me!

Chef – Yeah, and now you're dating Butters! The nicest around. But you want some hard stuff. And hard stuff takes mean

Chef(singing) - It's the mean, it's the mean, it's the mean you need, and when I look into your future is the mean that I see

(points at Butters) – On you Children, I don't wanna waste much time… You've been pushed around aaaall your liiiife

You've been pushed around by your parents, by your friends, by your teachers

(Hugs Butters in a fatherly way) and now that you're banging… you'll be pushed around by this girl (points at Sally. She just shrugs)

But in your future, the you I see… (shows a picture of Butters in a dominator outfit with three chicks at his feet) is exactly the you, you always wanted to be

Chef (speaking) – Come on, children… shake my hand… and then you can make sweet love

(They both shake Chef's hands)

Chef (singing) – Are you ready?

Creepy voices – Are you ready?

Chef – Are you ready?

(Butters and Sally start floating)

Chef – Fornication central

Creepy voices – Fornication central

Chef – orgasmation central

Creepy voices – orgasmation central

Chef – on the comedy central

Can you feel it? (Butters turns into the dominator he saw in the dream while Sally gets tied down to the bed)

You're banging, you're banging, you're banging, alright

I hope you're satisfied…

And if you are… Don't blame yourselves… You can blame the lover from the other siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide (Creepy ghosts float the room as Chef floats back to the afterlife)

(ends the music)

Sally (In a sexy tone) – Hmmmm, Butters…

Butters (Cracks a whip)– Call me Professor Chaos


	8. Stan

Original: Belle

 **Author's Note:** I'm back! Did you guys miss me? This one was harder than any of the others but I'm sure it payed off. Enjoy and review

(Scene: The sun is rising over the South Park Sign as the music plays. Cuts to Stan's house, he is getting out the door)

Stan(singing) – Stupid town, an annoying village… not a day, like the one before…

Stupid town, full of stupid people, waking up to say…

(It goes just like the Beauty and the Beast song, it zooms in on the windows and shows the people of South Park, but instead on "Bon Jour" they're saying "Fuck you!")

Stan – Here's Mr. Stotch beside his five gay lovers, nobody else appears to care!

Every morning just as lame, as the morning that I came, to this quiet mountain town…

Mr(s). Garrison(Speaking) – Good morning, Stanley

Stan(Speaking) – Hey Mr. Garrison

Mr(s). Garrison – Have you seen my penis?

(Stan looks at him/her with a look of sheer confusion for a good while and all of a sudden the penis mouse goes running in front of them)

Mr(s). Garrison – STOP THAT PENIS! (Runs after the penis mouse)

(Stan pinches the bridge of his nose and keeps walking)

Random people(singing) - Look there he goes that boy is strange, no question  
Dazed and distracted, that young maaan

Never part of any mess  
'Cause his head's up his (somebody punches the guy before he finishes it)  
No denying he's a funny boy, that Staaaan

(Stan keeps walking. The next stuff happens with random people in the street as he walks)

Man I – Fuck you!

Woman I – Fuck you!

Man I – You'd fucking like it!

Man II – Up yours!

Man III – Fuck you!

Man II – I fucked your wife (they start fighting)

Woman II – I want a dildo!

Woman III – That's too expensive

Stan (Stops at the video game store) I want much more than this annoying life!

Vendor – Good morning, Stan

Stan(Speaking) – Hey dude. Is Dark Souls 3 out yet?

Vendor(looking freaked out) – Well… yes, it's right over there…

(Stan picks up the game)

Vendor – But, young man, I must warn you… Terrible things will happen if you buy this game…

Stan(looks at him with a puzzled look) – erm… What?

Vendor – This game is in the conspiracy to dominate the fast food market! Haven't you heard?! (Stan drops the cash on the counter, passes the game on the cashier himself and gets out of the store)

Random people(singing) – Look, there he goes, that boy is so peculiar…

He's just as normal as he caaaan!

He just makes us wanna sob

Never formed an angry mob

What a puzzle to the rest of us is Staaan

Stan (looks at Cartman, Butters and Kenny building something for a scheme) – OOOOOOh, It's so irritating.

And I know it's awful cause, you see…

There, he is always scheming

And the guy who cleans up after that is always me!

Random people – From the outside that boy looks kinda stupid

He's just a normal little man

But behind that fair facade  
I'm afraid he's rather odd

Very different from the rest of us

He's nothing like the rest of us,

Very different from the rest of us is Staaan

(Skip the Gaston Part)

(The people in town banter randomly as Stan walks through the town. Between the banters you can hear stuff like "TIMMEH!", "Mmkay", "Too much pressure!", "Respect my authoritah"… You get the gist)

Stan – There must be more than this annoying life

Man II – We're both just fighting coz I fucked his wiiiiife

Random people - Look there he goes a boy who's strange but special  
Just as peculiar as he caaaan  
It's a pity and a sin  
That he doesn't quite fit in  
'Cause he really is a funny guy  
He's nice but he's a funny guy  
He really is a funny guuuuuy  
That Staaaaaaaaaan

(The music ends with "fuck yous" as Stan reaches the bus stop)

Stan – Hey guys, I bought Dark Souls 3

Cartman – Sweet, dude, totally tits


	9. Kiss the jew

Original: Kiss the girl

 **Author's note:** This one I've been looking forward to do. Style fans, beware of satire. If you wanna know how this one would sound, look for Johnathan Young's cover of Kiss the girl

Coming up next

Get high with me – Towellie(Trust in me)

I Just can't wait to be a queen – Mr(s). Garrison (I just can't wait to be king)

Be prepared – Nathan

(Scene: the boys are walking into the cafeteria of the school. When they get there, tons of Stan and Kyle yaoi fanart are on the walls)

Cartman(In between laughs) – You guys are so freaking gay!

Stan(annoyed) – It's just those Asian chicks at it again with the yaoi. Let it go, fatass

Kyle(also annoyed) – Every other month they have a new "couple" to draw. It will pass

Cartman – I don't know man; I think this time they're onto something

Stan – Fatass, just shut up

Cartman – I mean, you two are so freaking close…

Kyle – Boy, here we go

(Cartman stands up and goes near a big door. He opens the door, there is a full band set up waiting)

Cartman – I'm gonna need some help driving this point home. Kenneh! (Kenny sits on the drums) Token!(Token picks up a bass guitar) Tweek!(Tweek picks up an electric guitar among screams of ACK!) Asian chicks! (the asian fan girls round up near them. Wendy is ready to conduct them like a choir) You're asian?

Wendy(Dirty look at him) – A quarter asian on my mother's side

Cartman(Knowing sexual innuendo smirk) – That… explains a lot (Wendy turns red)

(Cartman picks up a guitar as well)

Cartman – One, two… one, two, three, four!

(Queue the music)

Stan(Pinch the bridge of his nose) – This is so fucking stupid…

Cartman (singing) – There, you see him… He totally makes you feel gay

He don't got a lot to say but there's something about him…

And you don't know why, but you're dying to try you wanna kiss the Jew

(Stan and Kyle get up and leave the cafeteria. Cartman's band follows them wherever they go like a cheesy video clip)

Cartman – Yeah, you want him… Look at him, you know you do… Possibly he wants you too, there is one way to ask him (Stan and Kyle are sitting side by side in class with annoyed faces and the band is on the back)

It won't take a word, not a faggy word, go on and kiss the Jew…

Asian girls – Shalalala my oh, my! Looks like the fag's too shy, ain't gonna kiss the Jew!

Shalalala ain't that sad? You are soulmates, too bad, you're gonna miss the Jew

(Stan and Kyle are sitting at the bleachers. The band appears by their side)

Cartman – Now's your moment... You know it will be okay!

You know that you're freaking gay, no time will be better

He didn't say a word and he won't say a word until you kiss the jew

Kyle – Fuck off, fatass

Asian girls – Shalalala my oh, my! Looks like the fag's too shy, ain't gonna kiss the Jew!

Shalalala ain't that sad? You are soulmates, too bad, you're gonna miss the Jew

Shalalala don't be scared you are two fags prepared, go on and kiss the Jew…

Shalalala don't stop now, don't try to hide it how you wanna kiss the jew!

(Tweek starts doing a guitar solo as the asian chicks start to dance like cheerleaders)

Stan(To Wendy) – Why are you helping him? This is really fucking annoying

Wendy – I know, but It's so much fan to scheme together…

Kyle – goddamn it…

Asian girls – Shalalala my oh, my! Looks like the fag's too shy, ain't gonna kiss the Jew!

Shalalala ain't that sad? You are soulmates, too bad, you're gonna miss the Jew

Shalalala don't be scared you are two fags prepared, go on and kiss the Jew…

Shalalala don't stop now, don't try to hide it how you wanna kiss the jew!

Cartman – Go on and kiss the Jew… Go on and kiss the Jew…

(Ends music)

Kyle – Ok fatass. Laugh all you want… But if one day you and some other poor guy are the target of the asian chicks, I will make your life a living hell

Cartman – You can try… (Smirks)

Wendy(In a threatening manner to the asian chicks) – I'll say this just once… NO SPREADING GAY RUMORS ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND!

(The asian chicks nod, looking really scared)

Kyle – Goddamn it…


	10. Get high with me

Original: Trust in me

 **Author's note:** Full disclosure, I had a few beers before writing this, so… I hope you guys don't notice. Also, special thanks to PrincessMangled for the suggestion, even though I took it in a different way than the one she suggested. And now, ladies and gentleman, the one, the only, Steeeeeeeeeeephen McTowellie!

(Scene: Cartman, Kenny, Butters, Stan and Kyle are walking down the street and talking about videogames)

Cartman – I'm telling you guys; the new Doom is the most awesome shit ever! It's so keeewl…

Kyle – Meh, too crazy for my taste

Stan – Anything is too crazy for your taste, dude

Towellie (appears from buttfucking nowhere with a weed on his hand) – You wanna get high?

(Awkward silence)

Stan – No, we don't wanna get high…

Cartman – Yeah, fuck off Towellie

Kenny – This is getting old, dude…

Towellie – But, I got this brand new stash of pot with me… My dealer said it's the most amazing pot ever

Kyle – Towellie, we don't like drugs, how many times do we have to say that?

(Towellie makes an angry face and blows weed smoke in their faces. The kids get dizzy and start seeing in different colors)

(Queue the music)

Towellie – You don't trust me, do you? Well, I'll need to change that

Towellie(singing) – Get high with me… Get high with me… Smoke that joint… Get high with me…(Puts a joint in Butter's mouth while he mutters "I'll get grounded")

You can trip… safe and sound… Knowing I… am around… (Much like Kaa, Towellie starts to drape himself around the children. But the kids are seeing him like a giant towel. The size of a boa constrictor)

(Kaleidoscope vision of the things the children are doing. Walking down the street, looking at the sun, dancing like hippies)

Slip into silent tripping… sail on a silver mist… Slowly and surely your soberness will cease to exist…

(They're all sitting on a park with hippie clothes. Cartman is wearing a Che Guevara shirt)

Towellie – Just relax… Be at rest… Like a bird… In a nest…

Get high with me… Get high with me… Smoke that joint… Get high with me…

(The music keeps playing as the kids hallucinate some more. They see imagination land all over again)

(5 hours later: Kenny is dead from OD, the rest of them are waking up. They are at Starks pond on a tent. Butters is naked, Kyle has a tattoo on his arm, Stan is still passed out in hippie clothing, Cartman has a full hippie attire and a Che Guevara shirt)

Kyle – Man, that shit Towellie gave us was strong… Kenny OD'ed

Butters(Freezing) – Fellas? Where are my clothes?

Cartman(Speaking slowly) – I need to go home, I have a date... Wendy is gonna kill me…(The boys look at him horrified) Why are you looking at me? Why is Butters naked?

(Kyle takes his cellphone and uses it as a mirror to show Cartman how he looks. Cartman rises with rage, rips the Che shirt with his hands and looks around for Towellie)

Cartman(Screaming in anger) – I'M GONNA KILL THAT FUCKING TOWELL! I'M GONNA BURN IT AND USE WHAT'S LEFT OF IT AS A CONDOM!


	11. I just can't wait to be a queen

Original: I just can't wait to be king

 **Authors note:** I'm back at it again, guys! This time, it's Mr. Garrison and his confused mind on gender. Please, review this. I love your feedback. Take a bit of your time to show what you think of my parodies. And do come up with suggestions. I might not be able to make anything out of it, but I'll try

(Scene: Mr. Garrison is in his room talking to Mr. Hat)

Mr. Hat – Haven't you been down this road before, you crazy queer?

Mr. Garrison – I know, Mr. Hat, but I just need a vagina again. I mean, Caitlyn Jenner got away with it, didn't she?

Mr. Hat – It's Bruce, you dumb faggot! And she didn't

Mr. Garrison – I don't think I enjoy your homophobic and transphobic speech, Mr. Hat… I just need a vagina again!

(queue the music. Mr. Garrison starts dancing around and goes out the street)

Mr. Garrison – I'm gonna be a pretty girl, so guys can bang me quick

Mr. Hat – Well, I've never seen a pretty girl who was born with a dick!

Mr. Garrison(slaps Mr. Hat) – I'm gonna be the main event, like no bitch was before.

Because when I change genitals, I'll be a great big whore

Mr. Hat(facepalm) – This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen…

Mr. Garrison – Oh, I just can't wait to a be a queen(waves his hands to transvestites at the streets)

Mr. Hat(Speaking) – you've got a long wat to go, my queer friend

Mr. Garrison – No one saying "you can't"

Mr. Hat – You can't

Mr. Garrison – No one saying "You're no woman!" No one saying "stop queering"! I'll do my own thing!

Mr. Hat – I think it's time that you and I  
Arranged a heart to heart

Mr. Garrison – Queens don't need advice from puppet dolls for a start!

Mr. Hat(Jumps out of the hand and starts flying) - If this is where your sex life is headed  
Count me out!  
Out of service, out of South Park  
I wouldn't hang about  
This is the stupidest you've ever been!

Mr. Garrison – Oh, I just can't wait to a be a queen

(They stand in a street full of hookers and transvestites. Dream sequence with pictures of a pretty Mrs. Garrison everywhere and the people look at it)

Mr. Garrison – Everybody look left  
Everybody look right  
Everywhere you look I'm  
Standing in the spotlight!

Mr. Hat – Not yet

Prostitutes and Transvestites – Let every creature go for broke and sing  
Let's hear it in the herd and on the wing  
It's gonna be The Garrison's finest fling

Mr. Garrison – Oh, I just can't wait to a be a queen

Oh, I just can't wait to a be a queen

Oh, I just can't waaaaaaaait… to a be a queen(Dances hugging everybody)

(Ends the music)

Mr. Hat – You still can't get an abortion

Mr. Garrison – Fuck…


	12. I wanna be like you double

Original: I wanna be like you

 **Author's note:** I'm back, baby! Did you guys miss me? I had two different ideas for this one, so I'll do 'em both. One with a fan favorite villain the fandom somehow does not explore. Uh, his name is Nathan. He is disabled. And one with Cartman and Kyle arguing. Let's get to it

(Scene: Kenny is sitting on a bench reading a porn magazine. Nathan and Mimsy approach him)

Nathan – Good morning, Kenneth

Kenny(without looking up from his porn) – Hey, dude

Nathan – I heard you had some special abilities I could make use of

Kenny – I can drink beer under water if that's what you want

Nathan – It's not that… It's more along the lines of being impaled by the school flag on Tuesday and going out with your girlfriend on Wednesday

Kenny(thunderstruck by Nathan's words and screaming) – How the fuck do you remember that? No one does! Everyone forgets my deaths!

Nathan – I'm not as stupid as the rest of the town, Kenneth. And I want that power for my self

(Queue the music)

Nathan(singing) – Now, I'm the king of the cripples… the South Park VIP

Mimsy(interrupting Nathan) – I thought Jimmy was the king of the Cripples

(LP scratch sound. Music stops)(Nathan walks slowly to Mimsy and Slaps him across the face)

Nathan(Screaming) – Shut up, Mimsyyy!

(Music resets)

Nathan(singing) – Now, I'm the king of the cripples… the South Park VIP

(Start's dancing and gesturing) I wanna be immortal, Kenny, to walk right into to town

(Throws pictures of Kenny's deaths in his face) to die one day, and then the next, I'll be right back around

(crippled jazz band appears)

Nathan – Woobeedoo, I wanna be like you!

I wanna die like you, come back like you tooo

You see it's true, a man like me!

Can learn to be immortal too

(the cripples make him a chair where he sits and acts like the Live Action king Louie)

Nathan – Now don't try to trick me Kenny,

I'll make a deal with you

My only strife is afterlife so I can be like you

So give me the secret, poor boy  
COME ON! Tell me what to do  
Give me a section of resurection  
So I can be like you

Nathan – Woobeedoo, I wanna be like you!

I wanna die like you, come back like you tooo

You see it's true, a man like me!

Can learn to be immortal too

Nathan – Can learn to be Immortal tooo

Can learn to be immortal too

(Music ends. Kenny seems unamused)

Kenny – Yeah, see… I have no idea how to make you immortal

Nathan – Maybe it's sexually transmitted(reaches for Kenny's penis)

Kenny(Slaps him away) – DUDE!

(Ends the Nathan parody)

X

X

X

X

X

(Scene: Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and Butters are having a drink at the bar with the busty chicks)

Kyle(finishes telling a story) – and that's the worst Cartman has ever done to me and Stan

Cartman – No way, dude, I sold you to vegan terrorists once(points to Kyle). And let's not even talk about how me and Wendy got together(Points to Stan). How is the yaoi stuff with the Asian chicks worse than that?

Kyle – The vegan terrorist sold me back for imported lettuce, so I spent like two days with them

Stan – And I should have seen you and Wendy coming from a mile away

Kyle – on the other hand, my parents STILL THINK I'M DATING STAN!

Stan – MY PARENTS TOO!

Cartman(thinks for a moment) – there has to be something worse than that!

Kyle(sighs) – of course! You're just that horrible of a person. Jazz band!(points at the band)

(Queue the music. Kyle gets up and starts jazzily snapping his fingers)

Kyle(singing) – you think you're so important. The South Park V.I.P.

But in the end, my rotund friend it's wrong if you're asking me

You're just a fatty fatass. I'll walk right into town. To knock some sense in your head so dense, when you stop farting around

Kyle – Woobeedoo, Don't wanna be like you!

Dont wanna look like you, smell like you tooo

You see it's true, a man like me!

Would dread to be like someone like you

Cartman(Speaking) – Two can play at this game , Jew boy

Kyle(speaking) – I'd like to see you try(throws him the mic)

Cartman(to the Jazz band) – Queue me in

Cartman(singing) – you think you're so clever Kylie, the smarter over here

But I must tella, my jewish fella, that's something you're nowhere near

You're just a little jew, jewcub

Who walks right into town

With little speech that makes me screech, we're tired of your bossing around

Cartman – Woobeedoo, you're just a freaking jew

Because you talk like jew, and steal like jew too

You see it's true, a man like me!

Would love to kill every single jew!

Both of them smirk

Both – Woobeedoo, Don't wanna be like you!

Dont wanna look like you, smell like you tooo

You see it's true, a man like me!

Would dread to be like someone like you

Would dread to be like someone like you

Would dread to be like someone like you

(Music ends)

Kenny – so, Miller or Budweiser?

Cartman – Miller


	13. That dumb Jew

Original: Gaston – Beauty and the Beast

 **Author's note:** Yeah, I've been gone for a while but now I'm back, baby! I'll be updating my stories as I get good ideas for them. This is Cartman doing another flattering homage to his favorite Jew

(Scene: Cartman, Kyle, Kenny, Butters and Stan are at a bar. Kyle is looking miserable after a fight with his girlfriend)

Kyle (sipping his beer) – Sometimes I wish I was gay

Cartman (Sarcasm) – As opposed to the model of masculinity you are today?

Stan (Ignoring him) – Come on dude, she'll forget it.

Cartman – Besides, after she gets over it, you're getting the best sex ever: make up sex

(They all groan in disgust)

Kyle – For the last time Cartman. Just because you and your girlfriend pick fights to spice things up, doesn't mean that does it for the rest of us (goes back to being miserable)

Cartman – Quit your bitching, Jew. I'm gonna cheer you up

(Queue the music)

Kyle(Speaking) – God, not again…

Cartman(Singing) – Gosh , it disturbs me to see you, oh Jew, looking so down in the dumps

(Sits beside Kyle) Every guy here likes to mock, oh Jew, specially taking your lumps (Pulls Kyles lips into a smile and Kyle pushes him)

There's no man in town as reviled as you, and hell, I just wish you would die…

But everyone's awed and inspired by you, though it's quite very hard to see whyyyyy…

(Walks away from the table into the middle of the bar)

Cartman – Nooooooooo ooooooone sneaks like a jew, no one steals like a Jew, no one stands up and gives a speech like the Jew (Mocks a speech pose)

For there's no man in town half as boring…

Perfect, a pure paragon (air quotes)

You can ask anyone who is snoring

And they'll tell you whose team that they chose to be oooooon!

Cartman –Nooooo oooone's been like the Jew, a bitch bin like the Jew

Stan – Playing TF2 nobody shoots like the Jew

Kyle – As a sniper, admit, I'm intimidating! (Cartman nods, conceding the point)

Everyone – My, what a guy, that dumb Jew!

Everyone – The Jew is nice, the Jew will go!

Cartman – why he is my friend I'll never fucking know!

Kyle (Speaking) – I could say the same about you

Cartman (Speaking) – Fair enough

Everyone (Singing) – Who's a bore like the Jew, who's a sore, like the Jew?

Clyde – No one makes everything such a chore like the Jew

Token – For there's no one as bitchy or moany!

Kyle – As you see, I've got lessons to spare!

Cartman – I would call him a bit of a loony

Kyle – But everyone here just loves my Jewfro hair!(Takes off the hat)

Everyone – No one ranks like the Jew, no one tanks like the Jew (Shows Kyle playing World of Warcraft)

Cartman – No one counts your income on the bank like the Jew

Kyle – I'm especially good a debt calculating (writes some stuff on a yellow legal pad and gives it to Kenny)

Kenny – Twelve bucks for the Jew!

Kyle – When I was a boy I spun a little dreidel, I thought it was fun and okay

But now that I'm grown I just tell everyone that I have learned something todaaaaay!

Everyone – Noooooooo oooooone's dumb like the Jew, has less fun than the Jew

Cartman – No one has such a bitch of a mom like the Jew

Kyle – Her behavior is really excruciating

Everyone – my what a guuuuuuy

That jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!


End file.
